Winter Solstice: Celebrating the Return of the Sun, Our Earth Walk & Our Inner Journey

It is the longest and the darkest night of each year. But, Winter Solstice celebrations are all about Light!

This year, from sunset on December 21st to sunrise on December 22nd, 14 hours and 56 minutes will have passed. During that long, dark night, at 12:30 am EST, Mother Earth’s northern hemisphere ~ in which we live ~ will reach its farthest tilt away from the Sun’s light. This moment is our astronomical new year. From that moment until June 20, 2012 (the Northeast’s Summer Solstice), each day we will gain approximately one minute of daylight.

Now, all of the above data represents the scientific facts about the Winter Solstice. But Winter Solstice is so much more. Think about how vitally important the Sun’s light is to us. Virtually, every living thing on Earth literally owes its life to the Sun. So knowing when the Sun will rise, as well as how long it will be before it once again disappears below the horizon, is also vitally important. Thus, the science of astronomy exists. (Thank you Galileo.)

Today, we take this astronomical information for granted. It’s just a normal part of our daily weather report. But imagine living in a time before we had this knowledge. Imagine being there, thousands of years ago, with the very first of our ancient ancestors as they began to notice that each morning the sun rose just a little later, and each evening it sank below the horizon just a little earlier. Imagine feeling as though the night was stealing all of the light and that darkness was taking away the Sun.

We may well have feared that at some point, the Sun would never return, that we would never again have its light and warmth, that we would have nothing but darkness and frigid cold forever. Certainly, those individuals who suffer from SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder, or Winter Depression) will probably have no trouble connecting with such imaginings. And anyone who has gone through very trying and emotionally dark times in their lives can also relate to the feelings of “this will never end.”

Just as we do today during our dark and cold months, the Ancients went inside. Inhabiting caves and other protective structures, they lived together and sustained each other, their bodies’ collective heat helping to warm their shelter. Hunters and gatherers, they shared the responsibilities of gathering food to eat and fuel to build fires .. for heat, light, and to cook the animal meats they had hunted and stored.

While they waited and prayed for the Sun’s return, they also would have spent countless hours sleeping and sojourning in the Dreamtime. Awakening, they would probably have shared with each other the dreams that they remembered. They would have told personal stories, reminisced, and made plans for brighter days. Minus all of our creature comforts, would they have been so very different from us now?

Today we are the beneficiaries of our ancient ancestors having figured out the “timing” of the Sun’s relationship to Earth. Of course, by necessity, they were keen observers of their world’s reality. We know through archaeological studies and digs throughout the world, that our ancestors built firelight altars and stone circles aligned to the sunset and sunrise on the Winter Solstice. Stonehenge is one of the most famous examples, but there were many such structures, some of them aligning to the Summer Solstice. We (and Galileo) owe them a great intellectual debt for the physical information that they left behind.

“So what?” you may be wondering. What is the point of all of my ramblings about Winter Solstice?

The point is that, whether or not we consciously and purposefully celebrate the Winter Solstice, we still celebrate Winter Solstice. Many major world cultures’ religious holidays are deeply rooted in ancient Solstice traditions and themes. They carry on the universal themes of Hope, Faith, Light and Interconnection. We Hope for ~ and have Faith in ~ the return of the Light .. whether it is the light outside our windows, or a lighter feeling within ourselves. At this time of year, the phrase “Peace on Earth and Goodwill" harken back to the strong Interconnection of the ancients to each other as they waited for the Sun’s return ... as they waited to be able to emerge from within Mother Earth and be reborn with the Sun.

Now, I ask you to give yourself the gift of Winter Solstice. Make yourself a nurturing comfort-food snack and something warm to drink. Get a pen and your journal, or just some paper to write on. Find a cozy corner. Put on some relaxing music, and ceremoniously light some candles. Then curl up with your writing materials, and journal on these questions.

Let the words flow straight from your heart. (Try to leave your head out it.) Reach within and find the Solstice light illuminating what you need in order to bring back your Inner Sun.

    What Hopes and Dreams
are stirring within you right now?

    What within you needs to be Lightened?

    What part of you needs to be reborn?

    What do you need to release ... to let go of ...
in order to make room to receive new Light?

    What Interconnections need to be nurtured,
to be warmed and restored, by Solstice Firelight?

  

 What dreams and personal life wisdom
can you share with your family and friends?

~~~~~

 

I wish for you and those dear to you

Peace, Love and Solstice Light,
Jae

  

NOTE: 

If you would like to learn more about the various religions’ connections to Winter Solstice, Wikipedia has posted an extensive and very interesting article on Winter Solstice, which includes information about many cultural rituals and observances that “are believed to be directly linked to the Winter Solstice.”

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Winter_solstice

Or, if you are more of a “curl up with a good book” kind of person,” I recommend The Winter Solstice by John Matthews (c. 1998, Godsfield Press).

When Walking Around in Circles is a Good Thing ...

We've all done it.

Rushed around our home, frantically trying to catch up on a list of things to do before we head out to frantically run a list of errands to do. Then, because our mind is racing on overdrive, and our frantic push to rush has accidentally put our limbic system on alert, suddenly all of the dusty surfaces and out of place things that we have been able to ignore for X number of days, somehow come into perfect focus. So now we add dusting to our To Do list, and maybe even a quick vacuum. And, oh crap! Have to pay the electric bill today. And oh no! Absolutely HAVE to return that call from Mom.

As we pinball our bodies from one room to another ... and another ... and back around again, suddenly it hits us. Ding, ding, ding! "I'm actually running around in circles!"

It's okay. Stop. BREATHE now. Just take a moment to let go of that frantic memory. Breathe in. Then slowly exhale ... and consciously allow yourself to relax.

Okay? Good.

Now with that out of our system, let's talk about a time when walking around in circles can be a very good thing. After all, this blog is called Healing Circles. And here is the circle that inspired that name.

This is a Labyrinth.
Actually, this is OneSelf's portable canvas Labyrinth.
We call her Sophia, which means Wisdom.

All photos by Gerald J. Skrocki (skrockidesign.com)

First and foremost, let me emphasize that a Labyrinth is NOT a maze. There are no dead ends, and there are no crossroads that require you to figure out which way to turn. Rather, there is one single meandering pathway. And even though that pathway curves back and forth and around itself, it leads to just one place ... the Labyrinth's center. In following this path and reaching the Center, you can find your own center and experience the feeling of being centered.

Evidence of labyrinths have been found in literally every culture, dating back to 2500 BCE. They come in many shapes ~ circles, ovals, squares, rectangles and even heart-shaped. The Church adopted their use during the Crusades. And the center of the labyrinth pictured here is an adaptation of one of the world's most famous labyrinths, which is embedded in the nave of Chartres Cathedral in France.

But this post is not about giving you a history lesson on Labyrinths. Rather, it's about inviting you to open yourself to the Labyrinth's gift of Being ... while in motion. 

Amazing things happen inside of us when we are able to let go of the outside world's never ending question of, "What's next?". Through simply putting one foot in front of the other as we focus on the single path beneath each footstep, emotional inner chaos begins to dissolve.

This step. This breath. This moment.

This simple motion. And this one. And this one.

Collectively, these simple movements lead to an inner quiet and gentle peace of mind as we reach the Center. And from this center ~ our center ~ amazing emotional healing can begin to take place.

Labyrinth co-owners & facilitators, Connie Barber & Jae Way

Since April of 2003, when Connie and I first spread out our Labyrinth for a private retreat (held at Still Point Retreat Center near Saratoga, NY), we have felt honored to be able to introduce this ancient tool for healing to as many people as are wiling to receive it. At colleges, in churches, at health fairs; at appreciation events for hospice volunteers and healing days for nurses; at our annual overnight women's retreat, and our monthly open-to-the-public walks. We have been honored to witness almost 600 personal journeys along the path of our Labyrinth.

Most of our regular walkers stop by simply to get re-centered for the month, or they seek a quiet place to walk with an idea or question that they want to work out. However, others come to walk with very deeply emotional and poignant stories:

A mother and her son's wife walked the labyrinth together

after a tearful goodbye with their young soldier,

who was flying off to serve in Iraq.

They stood together in the center
to share their tears of fear and sorrow.

Finally, they walked the path outward arm-in-arm.

 and

After a long battle with cancer and
having received news from her doctor

that all that could be done had been done,

a woman invited her four oldest and dearest friends

to share a walk to celebrate her life

and to exchange mindful, loving farewells.

Meanwhile, other walkers have wonderfully unique approaches:

A young engaged couple walked our labyrinth twice.

Face-to-face, holding each others' forearms,

they took turns to be the one walking backwards.

Afterwards, they told us that this was their way of
strengthening their trust in being able
to rely upon each other
during their future life's journey together.

And then there are the totally joyful celebrations. Dancing, skipping, leaping, whirling and twirling, sometimes with some of our colorful scarves floating on the breezes behind them, they express in movement the news that they announced as they arrived.

 "I graduated from college!"

"My mom's going to be okay!"

"I got the job!"

"He's coming home!"

"I'm a grandmother!"

Whether a joyful celebration or unwanted farewell; whether searching for answers or simply returning to the path for a regular practice of taking time to get re-centered, each walk on the Labyrinth is uniquely personal and personally important to the sojourner. And each walk is important to those of us who have the personal honor of meeting these individuals who have discovered the unique value of walking around in circles.

Peace & Centered Calm to you.

Jae

For more information about Labyrinths,

as well as scheduled dates for our Labyrinth Walks

visit our website at oneselfcares.com.

From Missing Them to Rediscovering You: Refilling the Emptiness of the Empty Nest

    I once read an article for a developmental psychology class that offered a great “Aha!” moment about the stormy relationships between parents and teenaged children. Basically it said that the defiant, disagreeable and sometimes out-and-out mean behavior that 13-and-over kids direct toward their parents is more than just hormones. It also has an important biological purpose of creating the right state of mind for human parents to get ready to have their offspring “leave the nest.”

    The article even included a phrase that I uttered countless times during my only child’s teenaged years. “I can’t wait for her to be an adult and move out!”

    Yet, on the day that she did move into her own apartment - which was less than two miles away - I actually cried. We were both shocked because I was never a doting mom. And although I had a job that I loved, many fun hobbies, a wonderful relationship with my husband, and many very close friends, I still felt an emptiness inside which the daily interactions with my daughter had once filled.

    Right now many parents are dealing with the many “firsts” after their youngest chicks have “left the nest” and moved to a distant college, job or their own home. Meanwhile, your home atmosphere feels “wrong”. Too quiet. You’re actually missing the endless phone calls reporting that teenaged plans have changed yet again. You may be feeling lost, drained of energy, unusually sad, and weepy. This is Empty Nest Syndrome. A type of depression that can be debilitating, ENS affects mothers three times more often than fathers.

    In the Fall, when most high school grads have left for college, Columbus Day weekend offers Empty Nesters the first chance for a short homecoming. They look forward to this visit with high hopes for a meaningful reunion and a brief return to “normal” home life. Thus, moms and dads may imagine lots of togetherness time. Meanwhile, young adults, changed by their 30+ days of experiencing an independent life, imagine spending some time with parents, having a favorite home cooked meal and doing lots of running around to reconnect with their old friends. The weekend flies by too quickly, and soon you are sharing farewell hugs and waving goodbye as your chick heads back to their own life’s routine. Often, the home nest may feel even emptier than before the visit.

    So now what? Start counting the days to Thanksgiving?

    Okay. But during that countdown, why not spend at least one hour of each of those days rediscovering yourself. With less time and energy spent on active parenting, you have more of it for you. IF you are open to the possibilities, this is a great time to make a new life plan for your future, and strangely, it begins by looking back. Way back.

    Try to remember before you were “Mom” or "Dad". What were your hopes and dreams?  Although the Mom part of you looms large now, younger selves still live within you. The little girl who wanted to be a veterinarian. The teenager who imagined being an artist. The twenty-something who dreamed of traveling. The thirty-something who toyed with the idea of going back to school.

    Now it’s your time to open to all of those possibilities. Use the space of the Empty Nest as a place for you to expand and reinvent yourself, a place where you can hatch your own dreams.

    Maybe you are thinking, “Oh yeah. Just reinvent myself. That’s easy for her to say!”

    No. It’s not necessarily easy, but the process can be amazingly fulfilling.

    You may be thinking, “How can I start reinventing myself? How can I go back to school? I already have my kid’s college tuition to pay for, and ....”

    Slow down. College may be in your future, but no one is asking you to rush back to school and take on more than you are ready for. The goal is to begin to explore the many possibilities for expanding your circle of life experiences and personal connections. Maybe you can take just one fun non-credit evening class that will provide a new hobby and new friends to share your interests. Or you might do volunteer work for an organization that supports a cause you feel passionate about.

    You could even reach out to other moms of your collegiate's high school classmates and make plans to meet for coffee once a week or take a walk, or just to have someone to call who understands how you are feeling. There is also a wonderful online resource for empty nest moms (and dads too), offering support, community, and creative ideas. Check it out at ...

emptynestmoms.com

     If your feelings are overwhelming you, and doing any of the above just seems like too much to take on, a life coach or therapist can provide one-on-one attention. S/he can help you work through your emotions and find a new focus/goal for you to move toward.

     The point is to refill your void and shift your viewpoint from what is missing to what you have and what can be. Your phone will be ringing again ... but now it will be for you to make new plans or to change old ones.

    It’s your time to get moving. It starts with just one step today.

Peace, Love & Light to you.

Jae

   

   

Helping Your Being

I was feeling wonderful. Still riding the spiritual/emotional high from my daughter's and my trip to San Francisco where we attended the Women's Dream Quest. I was happy, focused and inspired, as I walked into my home office. I was excited about getting back to work on a number of projects that I had begun before the trip.

There were the plans for our own smaller version of the Dream Quest. Plus ideas for a video blog to be posted on OneSelf's website and Facebook page. Now I wanted to bring the joyful energy of my San Francisco experience to my work. So, I began to do some brainstorming via journaling on the vision I held for our Women's Dreamtime Gathering. I wrote a couple of free flowing paragraphs and drew a few images that emerged during my writings. From this, I had everything I needed in order to create a newsprint ad to promote the Gathering.

Then, I shifted to left brain thinking as I made a To Do List for the rest of my week. That's when I looked up at my wall calendar and realized that I hadn't changed the page from October to November. As I took down the calendar, I reread the inspirational saying for the month of October. It is a quote from Emerson. "What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us."

I had been reading that quote everyday throughout October. But now, because of my experience at the Dream Quest … which got me deep into what lies within me … that quote brought another big smile to my face. Once again I felt thankful for having been able to share that wonderful retreat experience with my daughter.

Then I turned the calendar page to November. This month’s quote was from the Persian philosopher, Rumi. It read, "Be with those who help your Being."
I smiled even wider as I put the calendar back up on the wall. How perfect, I thought. My daughter helps my Being.

Sitting back down at my desk, I continued to look up at the quote. Then, I asked myself softly, "Who else helps your Being?"

I immediately started naming off the closest, important people in my life. My husband and my daughter, my grandchildren, and a few other family members.

But then, my next thought was that often there is an awful lot of Doing that goes along with being with family. Doing the dishes, doing the laundry, doing the grocery shopping, making food, picking up, cleaning, running errands. Helping them do something. Running an errand for them. Doing, doing. Which then leads to doing a list of things that you need to be doing.

"Okay, I'm tired now," I sighed. "That doesn’t feel like Being.”

Then playing Life Coach to myself, I asked, "So, who helps your Being? Your just Being. Your NOT doing. Your only Being?"

Now that was a different question.

When I want to just Be; when I want to slow down and not focus on anything that has to be done, or should be done, or could be done right now. Who do I reach out to?

Immediately, a whole different list of names came to mind.

"Connie," I said softly, "my Sagittarian soul sister for spiritual adventures." I laughed.

"Artistic Leslie and her kaleidoscope vision," I said, as I recalled us doing art together or attending art shows.

"Homebody Ren. A lifetime friend, she helps me to write from my Heart."

"Gentle Diana. Earthy calmness. Like a gentle, cleansing summer rain that refreshes you."

"Lauren. Youthful, yet wise beyond her years. Helps me see things from a different viewpoint."

"Celia. Insightful, with a dash of comic relief."

Six wise women had come to mind. Six women who helped my Being. In that moment, just thinking about each of those wonderful, precious friends, I felt totally relaxed. Totally present. Totally BEING.

And suddenly, it was as if I had been transported back to the amazingly gentle, spiritual atmosphere of the Women's Dream Quest. For isn't that what any retreat is about? Retreating is about our just Being. Even when we are doing something at a retreat … we are still just Being. Why? Because we are present to the moment, present to how our doing reflects our Truth. Our True Self. Our True Being.

And so now I invite you to ask yourself. Who helps your Being? When you need to stop doing, who do you call? Who helps to feed your spirit? Who offers you a safe haven - a place with no personal dramas - to BE your True Self?

Who helps you to look at life from a different perspective, to cleanse your spirit and to find an earthy calmness? Who helps you to laugh, to reawaken the child within you?

Now that you have made your list, go and make a date to Be with those who help your Being, and to renew.

Peace, Love & Light to you,
Jae

"It's Been a Long Time, Lady!"

That’s what I said to myself when I realized that the last time I posted here, America’s famous groundhog weatherman, Punxsutawney Phil, was predicting that there would be six more weeks until Spring arrived ..... in 2009!

Yes, 2009. Really.

Soooooooo? What have I been up to during the last 18 months? Where have I been hiding? And why did I stop blogging?

Let me answer the last question first. At least I’ll tell you the answer that I kept telling myself. “I stopped blogging because I ran out of words.”

But, of course, that’s not completely true. (We often lie to ourselves.)

I certainly did NOT run out of words. My family, friends and clients will confirm that I am rarely at a loss for words. But what I did run out of was the creative energy necessary to translate thoughts and casual conversation into intelligible written prose. I felt creatively drained.

It was as if the writer part of me was on a work slowdown. Not a strike ... because there were times, when it was absolutely necessary, that I could still pull off writing a few paragraphs. But each sentence that made up those paragraphs was a struggle. I couldn’t even write in my personal journal. For years ~ dating back to the late 70s ~ I had written in my journal almost everyday. But in mid-April of this year, when I picked up my current journal to write about the death of my best friend’s father, I realized that I hadn’t written a thing in that journal since November 5, 2008, when I recorded the historic election of our first African American President!

That discovery shook me. Not only was I having trouble writing creatively; I was having trouble expressing my own private thoughts. And that’s when I resorted to having a handwritten conversation with my Writer Self. This is an old transpersonal psychology trick. You use your dominant hand to write for your Outward Self and your other hand to allow the part of you causing “inner issues” to express her/himself.

I’m right handed, so I used that hand to write, “Hey, Writer Jae, what’s going on here? Why aren’t our words flowing?”

And with my left hand ... in almost illegible penmanship ... Writer Jae replied “I’m tired. You have us doing so much business-oriented writing and have put us under so much stress to keep up with commitments, that there is no creative energy left for writing our book or even for writing in our own journal.”

I argued, “But everything we are doing is fun and creative. We love to write. We love to design workshops and retreats. We love to sit in a circle of women and share ideas. We love to collaborate with others.”

Writer Jae replied, “We do. But there is a difference in writing just for the fun of it, for ourselves, and writing for a defined purpose like promoting workshops and retreats, and designing ads and flyers. Writing has become work ... like it was when you wrote bill memos and articles about political issues back in the 90s.”

I was shocked! It was a pretty dismal thought that my joyful work as a Life Coach and workshop facilitator had anything in common with the ... shall we say ... “public perception driven” words I wrote at the New York State Legislature and lobbyist organizations.

So I lashed out at my creative self. “WRITING IS WRITING!” I argued defensively in big shouting letters. But there was no true depth of feeling under those words. It felt more like desperation ... like I was trying to hang on to a gift that seemed to be slipping away.

And Writer Jae replied. “Joyful writing flows from the Heart. Our Heart is tired because we are constantly listening to our Head. That’s what our present writing has in common with our old politically-driven writing. Our words no longer flow like a clear creative stream. We are constantly hitting the debris of your practical concerns, getting caught in the shallows of your physical challenges. We keep fighting to find a small current of pure creativity to ride. Meanwhile there is a wide river of deep creative energy waiting for you to open the flood gate in that emotional dam you installed about five years ago.”

Okay! Now I was really pissed at Writer Jae. My “physical challenges” which had started to manifest in the form of a “rash of unknown origin” on my upper arms and lower legs had been going on since late 2004. Side-effects related to that turned up about a year later. Both of those physical issues have been almost completely healed for awhile now. The practical concerns our family faced for three years are no longer an issue. And the emotional negativity? Well ... with the physical and practical taken care of, there’s no more reason for me to be having “emotional issues” ....

At which point Life Coach Jae’s voice chimed in. She didn’t have a designated hand to write with, but she made her point anyway. You know ~ you’ve heard it ~ that little inner voice of conscience that often shows up when we are lying to ourselves?

So, that part of me that sits across from clients in my Life Coaching office, now spoke to me as if I were her client. “What have you done to address the ‘emotional stuff’ you stuffed while you were in crisis mode for so many years? You had to stuff it then in order to be able to continue to cope with the crisis. But we know that the emotional stuff hasn’t just evaporated.”

Then Writer Jae chimed in, writing, “If we want our creative writing voice back, we need to let those dammed up feelings flow again.”

With a BIG SIGH and tears starting to well up in my eyes, I knew what I had to do. I got on the phone to dial up my own Life Coach, a transpersonal counselor who I had worked with face-to-face for three years while I lived in California, and via phone for two when we moved back to Upstate New York. After explaining to Michaela what was going on ... or NOT going on ... we immediately set up our first appointment. Plus, she gave me an assignment in preparation for that first session.

“If you can’t write the feelings,” she said, “bypass your writing/intellectual center and let the feelings flow out through your art.”

Michaela knew that in the past I had a practice of creating mandalas to express myself. I was amazed that I hadn’t thought of this myself, which really drove home how “dammed up” I really was.

So I gathered my art supplies and created a quiet, sacred space with candles and soft music. And in just a few hours, this mandala “poured out of me.”

"Surviving Heart" expresses what had been going on inside for those six long years of managing difficult financial crises, facing medical problems, family turmoils, broken friendships and countless other emotional uphill battles. I was totally amazed by the heaviness that came out of me. And I was shocked that I felt compelled to create the mandala on black paper. But only black paper could dull those vibrant oil pastel colors enough to express the feelings of despair that for so long seemed to lurk behind every positive idea I had.

Once the despair was expressed, depicted on paper; when the sorrow finally had a form of its own, separate from myself; only then could I feel truly hopeful. I could feel words trying to come through, needing to be put to paper. I started to journal and journal and journal and journal, providing myself the opportunity to truly feel again. Only after I had written down everything I needed to express to me ... only then could I even begin to flirt with the idea of once again writing down feelings and ideas to express to others ... to you.

So here I am. I don’t know how often I can be here and write to you. Heeding Writer Jae’s advice, I certainly do not want to commit to any set schedule. But I am fairly certain that you’ll be hearing from me in less than 18 months. And I certainly hope that I will be hearing from all of you very soon.

Peace, Light & Love to you.
Jae