I had planned to write about Life's Crossroads ~ you know, those significant decision points that we all face from time to time. But then, last night ~ a little after eleven o'clock ~ my daughter, Gina, called to tell me that Gramma had died (her father's mother).
We had been anticipating this passing. Betty had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer months ago. Arrangements were made to fulfill her wishes that she die in her home with all of her seven children ~ and their adult children ~ around her. I joined the family's vigil in spirit by lighting a candle with a butterfly next to it, as a symbol of transformation.
Now I ask that you please indulge me for a few paragraphs
as I talk about this special woman.
Maybe you know someone like her.
Betty was my “mom-in-law” for eleven years, but she has been “Ma” and a dear friend for 38 years. Once you become a part of Betty's family, no spousal separation agreement or divorce decree can ever sever those family ties. Attend any of her birthday celebrations or family gatherings, and there you will meet up with other ex-sons- and ex-daughters-in-law, along with their new spouses. Why? Because we love Ma. Why? Because she was so accepting of us and anyone we loved. She may have gotten angry with you, but she never stopped caring about you, because she understood that everyone has their own personal frailties.
As I sit here on a park bench, just feet away from our little Lake Hampton, I can imagine Betty sitting here with me. She would love the peaceful beauty of this place. She would enjoy watching the ducks. But she would love interacting with the people. For unlike me ~ who can simply walk and marvel at this Healing Circle of Strangers ~ Betty would be interested in knowing something about each and every one of those strangers. And I am sure that after a few days of her sitting on this bench, a regular group of people would have been sitting here with her. They would be sharing their life stories, family news, and daily gripes. Why? Because people just knew that she loved people.
Throughout her 83 years of life, Betty collected a treasure trove of friendships and acquaintances, the networking power of which rivals the strength of many U.S. Ambassadors. Considering she didn't drive a car or travel more than a few hundred miles away from home when she went on vacation with her daughters, it is amazing how many people she knew. Mention to Betty that you were looking for something ~ like a bookcase, or a used rug in good condition ~ and within hours, she would be on the phone, spreading the word, and finding someone who had exactly what you needed. Her phone line was almost always busy and her front door was always opening to a family of friends and neighbors.
So, what will I miss most about Betty? That's easy. Her sense of humor. Although she faced many personal tragedies and some tremendous life challenges that might have made others bitter, Betty was always able to find something to laugh about. She had a wit that was as quick, as her big heart was forgiving. I am sure that her passing has created an emotional ripple effect that will travel throughout her interconnections of family, friends and acquaintances from coast to coast.
But, didn't I say this article was about passing generations
~ about how they influence our lives
and shape who we are in this world?
Yes I did.
I can see in my daughter, Gina, her grandmother's willingness to make time for anyone who needs help. My ex-sister-in-law and life friend, Leslie, reflects her mother's joy in being with and getting to know people. She too has a treasure-trove of friends and acquaintances from virtually every walk of life. Betty's ability to find a moment of humor in even the most difficult situation has become an important aspect of every one of her children and grandchildren ... and every once in awhile, that ability will even show up in those of us who are ex-daughters-in law.
Having said goodbye to my parents, my husband's mother, and now Betty, I've come to realize that with each generation's passing, the next generation takes a step up. Each generation takes their turn to hold the light that illuminates the Mirror of Life into which the next generation will peer and find another way of seeing and defining themselves.
What aspects of you do/will
your children, nieces, nephews or younger cousins reflect?
What do you like about you?
And how does that trait reflect an older generation?
What would you like to change about you?
Is it an “inherited” trait that you
wish could end with your generation?
Have you shared those feelings with anyone?
Sharing could be the first step
to an important generational change.
So, in honor of Betty
and in honor of
each of our reflections in the
Mirror of Life,
I send you Peace and Butterfly Light.
Jae
