WHY RETREAT?

    “Retreat? Why would I want to attend a retreat?” That was exactly my response back in November of 1997 when my Transpersonal Therapist, Mia, told me that she would like me to attend an overnight women’s retreat at Grace Cathedral in San Francisco.

    Back then, I was a full-time Administrative Director for a large non-profit organization in the Bay Area. In addition, I was attending college part-time, and keeping up with domestic responsibilities while my husband worked crazy computer-guru hours. This is why I told my therapist that it seemed to me that a better use of what little free time I had would be to go to sleep early in my own bed with earplugs inserted.

    “Why would I want to feel constrained and uptight with a bunch of strangers in a church?” I challenged.

    Despite my mini-rant, my therapist gently persisted. She explained that regardless of the venue, this event would be anything but constraining. The setting did not matter; the intention of the gathering did.

    “And the intention of the gathering is?” I asked.

    “The intention is to retreat from your everyday life ... to step out of your normal routine ... to get away from your practical responsibilities ... all of which distract and prevent you from being in touch with your Inner Truth and your Heartfelt needs.”

    Well, I had to admit that it sounded like what I needed ... but I was still unsure. Being in a large group of women sounded emotionally intimidating, even for someone as outgoing as me. I wanted to know more about what would happen there.

    The answer Mia gave me was somewhat vague. “We start with some singing, and large group work through which we break down into small groups. After the small groups meet with their leader, there’s a lot of free personal time during which you can get a holistic healing or walk the Labyrinth, do artwork or just journal by yourself. Late at night the lights will be dimmed so you can sleep in your sleeping bag. In the morning you’ll be awakened gently and the process continues. It will all be over by noon.”

    I was still unsure and tried a couple of other ways to get out of complying with her request. Then, finally, Mia said, “Jae, I would really like you to do this. Trust me. It will be worth the initial discomfort.”

    Three weeks later, I attended my very first women’s retreat .... my first retreat of any kind. That 18 hours that I spent away from the outside world ... away from my To Do List, away from phones ringing or knocks on my door ... away from my inner critic reminding me of what I should be accomplishing ... changed my life.

    That retreat gave me new perspective, gave me time to remember what I had originally envisioned accomplishing in my life. I was able to reach back to a time before I was subjected to the many “voices of reason” and “level headed intellectuals” telling me what I could and could not do. I rediscovered the center of my heart’s longings, of forgotten dreams that I left behind, and aspirations that I compromised away for someone else's vision.

    I shared about these “aha moments” when our small group regathered that Saturday morning, and I experienced an amazing sense of peaceful affirmation as each member of my small group shared her own, similar aha. Our ages ranged from 60-something to 19. Our backgrounds, vocations, and personal reasons for being there were just as diverse. Yet every woman in that circle experienced a sense of reclaiming a disowned part of herself and of rediscovering forgotten hopes, dreams and goals.

    Several hours later, we were bidding goodbye to each other through song and personal farewells. I walked out of Grace Cathedral that morning with new perspectives about myself and a very different vision of my future. That vision eventually led me to become the Holistic Life Coach and Retreat Facilitator that I am today.


    So, does every woman who attends a retreat have a huge life changing experience? Of course not.

    However, at every retreat that I have attended or facilitated, I have witnessed the amazing difference in the emotional and physical demeanor of participants from the time they arrive until the moment of their departure. They leave lighter, calmer and more optimistic about life. Such wonderful gifts ...from simply giving ourselves permission to retreat.

I invite you to give yourself permission to retreat
and join me at

OneSelf's 10th annual Women's Dreamtime Gathering.

This year we will be

"Dreaming Our Joy"

from 6:30 pm Friday, September 20 to

11:00 am Saturday, September 21.

at 1st United Presbyterian

1915 5th Ave. Troy, NY

For more information and registration
visit

http://www.oneselfcares.com/dreamtime_gathering/dreaming_our_joy.htm

Winter Solstice: Celebrating the Return of the Sun, Our Earth Walk & Our Inner Journey

It is the longest and the darkest night of each year. But, Winter Solstice celebrations are all about Light!

This year, from sunset on December 21st to sunrise on December 22nd, 14 hours and 56 minutes will have passed. During that long, dark night, at 12:30 am EST, Mother Earth’s northern hemisphere ~ in which we live ~ will reach its farthest tilt away from the Sun’s light. This moment is our astronomical new year. From that moment until June 20, 2012 (the Northeast’s Summer Solstice), each day we will gain approximately one minute of daylight.

Now, all of the above data represents the scientific facts about the Winter Solstice. But Winter Solstice is so much more. Think about how vitally important the Sun’s light is to us. Virtually, every living thing on Earth literally owes its life to the Sun. So knowing when the Sun will rise, as well as how long it will be before it once again disappears below the horizon, is also vitally important. Thus, the science of astronomy exists. (Thank you Galileo.)

Today, we take this astronomical information for granted. It’s just a normal part of our daily weather report. But imagine living in a time before we had this knowledge. Imagine being there, thousands of years ago, with the very first of our ancient ancestors as they began to notice that each morning the sun rose just a little later, and each evening it sank below the horizon just a little earlier. Imagine feeling as though the night was stealing all of the light and that darkness was taking away the Sun.

We may well have feared that at some point, the Sun would never return, that we would never again have its light and warmth, that we would have nothing but darkness and frigid cold forever. Certainly, those individuals who suffer from SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder, or Winter Depression) will probably have no trouble connecting with such imaginings. And anyone who has gone through very trying and emotionally dark times in their lives can also relate to the feelings of “this will never end.”

Just as we do today during our dark and cold months, the Ancients went inside. Inhabiting caves and other protective structures, they lived together and sustained each other, their bodies’ collective heat helping to warm their shelter. Hunters and gatherers, they shared the responsibilities of gathering food to eat and fuel to build fires .. for heat, light, and to cook the animal meats they had hunted and stored.

While they waited and prayed for the Sun’s return, they also would have spent countless hours sleeping and sojourning in the Dreamtime. Awakening, they would probably have shared with each other the dreams that they remembered. They would have told personal stories, reminisced, and made plans for brighter days. Minus all of our creature comforts, would they have been so very different from us now?

Today we are the beneficiaries of our ancient ancestors having figured out the “timing” of the Sun’s relationship to Earth. Of course, by necessity, they were keen observers of their world’s reality. We know through archaeological studies and digs throughout the world, that our ancestors built firelight altars and stone circles aligned to the sunset and sunrise on the Winter Solstice. Stonehenge is one of the most famous examples, but there were many such structures, some of them aligning to the Summer Solstice. We (and Galileo) owe them a great intellectual debt for the physical information that they left behind.

“So what?” you may be wondering. What is the point of all of my ramblings about Winter Solstice?

The point is that, whether or not we consciously and purposefully celebrate the Winter Solstice, we still celebrate Winter Solstice. Many major world cultures’ religious holidays are deeply rooted in ancient Solstice traditions and themes. They carry on the universal themes of Hope, Faith, Light and Interconnection. We Hope for ~ and have Faith in ~ the return of the Light .. whether it is the light outside our windows, or a lighter feeling within ourselves. At this time of year, the phrase “Peace on Earth and Goodwill" harken back to the strong Interconnection of the ancients to each other as they waited for the Sun’s return ... as they waited to be able to emerge from within Mother Earth and be reborn with the Sun.

Now, I ask you to give yourself the gift of Winter Solstice. Make yourself a nurturing comfort-food snack and something warm to drink. Get a pen and your journal, or just some paper to write on. Find a cozy corner. Put on some relaxing music, and ceremoniously light some candles. Then curl up with your writing materials, and journal on these questions.

Let the words flow straight from your heart. (Try to leave your head out it.) Reach within and find the Solstice light illuminating what you need in order to bring back your Inner Sun.

    What Hopes and Dreams
are stirring within you right now?

    What within you needs to be Lightened?

    What part of you needs to be reborn?

    What do you need to release ... to let go of ...
in order to make room to receive new Light?

    What Interconnections need to be nurtured,
to be warmed and restored, by Solstice Firelight?

  

 What dreams and personal life wisdom
can you share with your family and friends?

~~~~~

 

I wish for you and those dear to you

Peace, Love and Solstice Light,
Jae

  

NOTE: 

If you would like to learn more about the various religions’ connections to Winter Solstice, Wikipedia has posted an extensive and very interesting article on Winter Solstice, which includes information about many cultural rituals and observances that “are believed to be directly linked to the Winter Solstice.”

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Winter_solstice

Or, if you are more of a “curl up with a good book” kind of person,” I recommend The Winter Solstice by John Matthews (c. 1998, Godsfield Press).

When Walking Around in Circles is a Good Thing ...

We've all done it.

Rushed around our home, frantically trying to catch up on a list of things to do before we head out to frantically run a list of errands to do. Then, because our mind is racing on overdrive, and our frantic push to rush has accidentally put our limbic system on alert, suddenly all of the dusty surfaces and out of place things that we have been able to ignore for X number of days, somehow come into perfect focus. So now we add dusting to our To Do list, and maybe even a quick vacuum. And, oh crap! Have to pay the electric bill today. And oh no! Absolutely HAVE to return that call from Mom.

As we pinball our bodies from one room to another ... and another ... and back around again, suddenly it hits us. Ding, ding, ding! "I'm actually running around in circles!"

It's okay. Stop. BREATHE now. Just take a moment to let go of that frantic memory. Breathe in. Then slowly exhale ... and consciously allow yourself to relax.

Okay? Good.

Now with that out of our system, let's talk about a time when walking around in circles can be a very good thing. After all, this blog is called Healing Circles. And here is the circle that inspired that name.

This is a Labyrinth.
Actually, this is OneSelf's portable canvas Labyrinth.
We call her Sophia, which means Wisdom.

All photos by Gerald J. Skrocki (skrockidesign.com)

First and foremost, let me emphasize that a Labyrinth is NOT a maze. There are no dead ends, and there are no crossroads that require you to figure out which way to turn. Rather, there is one single meandering pathway. And even though that pathway curves back and forth and around itself, it leads to just one place ... the Labyrinth's center. In following this path and reaching the Center, you can find your own center and experience the feeling of being centered.

Evidence of labyrinths have been found in literally every culture, dating back to 2500 BCE. They come in many shapes ~ circles, ovals, squares, rectangles and even heart-shaped. The Church adopted their use during the Crusades. And the center of the labyrinth pictured here is an adaptation of one of the world's most famous labyrinths, which is embedded in the nave of Chartres Cathedral in France.

But this post is not about giving you a history lesson on Labyrinths. Rather, it's about inviting you to open yourself to the Labyrinth's gift of Being ... while in motion. 

Amazing things happen inside of us when we are able to let go of the outside world's never ending question of, "What's next?". Through simply putting one foot in front of the other as we focus on the single path beneath each footstep, emotional inner chaos begins to dissolve.

This step. This breath. This moment.

This simple motion. And this one. And this one.

Collectively, these simple movements lead to an inner quiet and gentle peace of mind as we reach the Center. And from this center ~ our center ~ amazing emotional healing can begin to take place.

Labyrinth co-owners & facilitators, Connie Barber & Jae Way

Since April of 2003, when Connie and I first spread out our Labyrinth for a private retreat (held at Still Point Retreat Center near Saratoga, NY), we have felt honored to be able to introduce this ancient tool for healing to as many people as are wiling to receive it. At colleges, in churches, at health fairs; at appreciation events for hospice volunteers and healing days for nurses; at our annual overnight women's retreat, and our monthly open-to-the-public walks. We have been honored to witness almost 600 personal journeys along the path of our Labyrinth.

Most of our regular walkers stop by simply to get re-centered for the month, or they seek a quiet place to walk with an idea or question that they want to work out. However, others come to walk with very deeply emotional and poignant stories:

A mother and her son's wife walked the labyrinth together

after a tearful goodbye with their young soldier,

who was flying off to serve in Iraq.

They stood together in the center
to share their tears of fear and sorrow.

Finally, they walked the path outward arm-in-arm.

 and

After a long battle with cancer and
having received news from her doctor

that all that could be done had been done,

a woman invited her four oldest and dearest friends

to share a walk to celebrate her life

and to exchange mindful, loving farewells.

Meanwhile, other walkers have wonderfully unique approaches:

A young engaged couple walked our labyrinth twice.

Face-to-face, holding each others' forearms,

they took turns to be the one walking backwards.

Afterwards, they told us that this was their way of
strengthening their trust in being able
to rely upon each other
during their future life's journey together.

And then there are the totally joyful celebrations. Dancing, skipping, leaping, whirling and twirling, sometimes with some of our colorful scarves floating on the breezes behind them, they express in movement the news that they announced as they arrived.

 "I graduated from college!"

"My mom's going to be okay!"

"I got the job!"

"He's coming home!"

"I'm a grandmother!"

Whether a joyful celebration or unwanted farewell; whether searching for answers or simply returning to the path for a regular practice of taking time to get re-centered, each walk on the Labyrinth is uniquely personal and personally important to the sojourner. And each walk is important to those of us who have the personal honor of meeting these individuals who have discovered the unique value of walking around in circles.

Peace & Centered Calm to you.

Jae

For more information about Labyrinths,

as well as scheduled dates for our Labyrinth Walks

visit our website at oneselfcares.com.

From Missing Them to Rediscovering You: Refilling the Emptiness of the Empty Nest

    I once read an article for a developmental psychology class that offered a great “Aha!” moment about the stormy relationships between parents and teenaged children. Basically it said that the defiant, disagreeable and sometimes out-and-out mean behavior that 13-and-over kids direct toward their parents is more than just hormones. It also has an important biological purpose of creating the right state of mind for human parents to get ready to have their offspring “leave the nest.”

    The article even included a phrase that I uttered countless times during my only child’s teenaged years. “I can’t wait for her to be an adult and move out!”

    Yet, on the day that she did move into her own apartment - which was less than two miles away - I actually cried. We were both shocked because I was never a doting mom. And although I had a job that I loved, many fun hobbies, a wonderful relationship with my husband, and many very close friends, I still felt an emptiness inside which the daily interactions with my daughter had once filled.

    Right now many parents are dealing with the many “firsts” after their youngest chicks have “left the nest” and moved to a distant college, job or their own home. Meanwhile, your home atmosphere feels “wrong”. Too quiet. You’re actually missing the endless phone calls reporting that teenaged plans have changed yet again. You may be feeling lost, drained of energy, unusually sad, and weepy. This is Empty Nest Syndrome. A type of depression that can be debilitating, ENS affects mothers three times more often than fathers.

    In the Fall, when most high school grads have left for college, Columbus Day weekend offers Empty Nesters the first chance for a short homecoming. They look forward to this visit with high hopes for a meaningful reunion and a brief return to “normal” home life. Thus, moms and dads may imagine lots of togetherness time. Meanwhile, young adults, changed by their 30+ days of experiencing an independent life, imagine spending some time with parents, having a favorite home cooked meal and doing lots of running around to reconnect with their old friends. The weekend flies by too quickly, and soon you are sharing farewell hugs and waving goodbye as your chick heads back to their own life’s routine. Often, the home nest may feel even emptier than before the visit.

    So now what? Start counting the days to Thanksgiving?

    Okay. But during that countdown, why not spend at least one hour of each of those days rediscovering yourself. With less time and energy spent on active parenting, you have more of it for you. IF you are open to the possibilities, this is a great time to make a new life plan for your future, and strangely, it begins by looking back. Way back.

    Try to remember before you were “Mom” or "Dad". What were your hopes and dreams?  Although the Mom part of you looms large now, younger selves still live within you. The little girl who wanted to be a veterinarian. The teenager who imagined being an artist. The twenty-something who dreamed of traveling. The thirty-something who toyed with the idea of going back to school.

    Now it’s your time to open to all of those possibilities. Use the space of the Empty Nest as a place for you to expand and reinvent yourself, a place where you can hatch your own dreams.

    Maybe you are thinking, “Oh yeah. Just reinvent myself. That’s easy for her to say!”

    No. It’s not necessarily easy, but the process can be amazingly fulfilling.

    You may be thinking, “How can I start reinventing myself? How can I go back to school? I already have my kid’s college tuition to pay for, and ....”

    Slow down. College may be in your future, but no one is asking you to rush back to school and take on more than you are ready for. The goal is to begin to explore the many possibilities for expanding your circle of life experiences and personal connections. Maybe you can take just one fun non-credit evening class that will provide a new hobby and new friends to share your interests. Or you might do volunteer work for an organization that supports a cause you feel passionate about.

    You could even reach out to other moms of your collegiate's high school classmates and make plans to meet for coffee once a week or take a walk, or just to have someone to call who understands how you are feeling. There is also a wonderful online resource for empty nest moms (and dads too), offering support, community, and creative ideas. Check it out at ...

emptynestmoms.com

     If your feelings are overwhelming you, and doing any of the above just seems like too much to take on, a life coach or therapist can provide one-on-one attention. S/he can help you work through your emotions and find a new focus/goal for you to move toward.

     The point is to refill your void and shift your viewpoint from what is missing to what you have and what can be. Your phone will be ringing again ... but now it will be for you to make new plans or to change old ones.

    It’s your time to get moving. It starts with just one step today.

Peace, Love & Light to you.

Jae

   

   

Helping Your Being

I was feeling wonderful. Still riding the spiritual/emotional high from my daughter's and my trip to San Francisco where we attended the Women's Dream Quest. I was happy, focused and inspired, as I walked into my home office. I was excited about getting back to work on a number of projects that I had begun before the trip.

There were the plans for our own smaller version of the Dream Quest. Plus ideas for a video blog to be posted on OneSelf's website and Facebook page. Now I wanted to bring the joyful energy of my San Francisco experience to my work. So, I began to do some brainstorming via journaling on the vision I held for our Women's Dreamtime Gathering. I wrote a couple of free flowing paragraphs and drew a few images that emerged during my writings. From this, I had everything I needed in order to create a newsprint ad to promote the Gathering.

Then, I shifted to left brain thinking as I made a To Do List for the rest of my week. That's when I looked up at my wall calendar and realized that I hadn't changed the page from October to November. As I took down the calendar, I reread the inspirational saying for the month of October. It is a quote from Emerson. "What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us."

I had been reading that quote everyday throughout October. But now, because of my experience at the Dream Quest … which got me deep into what lies within me … that quote brought another big smile to my face. Once again I felt thankful for having been able to share that wonderful retreat experience with my daughter.

Then I turned the calendar page to November. This month’s quote was from the Persian philosopher, Rumi. It read, "Be with those who help your Being."
I smiled even wider as I put the calendar back up on the wall. How perfect, I thought. My daughter helps my Being.

Sitting back down at my desk, I continued to look up at the quote. Then, I asked myself softly, "Who else helps your Being?"

I immediately started naming off the closest, important people in my life. My husband and my daughter, my grandchildren, and a few other family members.

But then, my next thought was that often there is an awful lot of Doing that goes along with being with family. Doing the dishes, doing the laundry, doing the grocery shopping, making food, picking up, cleaning, running errands. Helping them do something. Running an errand for them. Doing, doing. Which then leads to doing a list of things that you need to be doing.

"Okay, I'm tired now," I sighed. "That doesn’t feel like Being.”

Then playing Life Coach to myself, I asked, "So, who helps your Being? Your just Being. Your NOT doing. Your only Being?"

Now that was a different question.

When I want to just Be; when I want to slow down and not focus on anything that has to be done, or should be done, or could be done right now. Who do I reach out to?

Immediately, a whole different list of names came to mind.

"Connie," I said softly, "my Sagittarian soul sister for spiritual adventures." I laughed.

"Artistic Leslie and her kaleidoscope vision," I said, as I recalled us doing art together or attending art shows.

"Homebody Ren. A lifetime friend, she helps me to write from my Heart."

"Gentle Diana. Earthy calmness. Like a gentle, cleansing summer rain that refreshes you."

"Lauren. Youthful, yet wise beyond her years. Helps me see things from a different viewpoint."

"Celia. Insightful, with a dash of comic relief."

Six wise women had come to mind. Six women who helped my Being. In that moment, just thinking about each of those wonderful, precious friends, I felt totally relaxed. Totally present. Totally BEING.

And suddenly, it was as if I had been transported back to the amazingly gentle, spiritual atmosphere of the Women's Dream Quest. For isn't that what any retreat is about? Retreating is about our just Being. Even when we are doing something at a retreat … we are still just Being. Why? Because we are present to the moment, present to how our doing reflects our Truth. Our True Self. Our True Being.

And so now I invite you to ask yourself. Who helps your Being? When you need to stop doing, who do you call? Who helps to feed your spirit? Who offers you a safe haven - a place with no personal dramas - to BE your True Self?

Who helps you to look at life from a different perspective, to cleanse your spirit and to find an earthy calmness? Who helps you to laugh, to reawaken the child within you?

Now that you have made your list, go and make a date to Be with those who help your Being, and to renew.

Peace, Love & Light to you,
Jae